Shifts
This section discusses the use of a constant verb tense, point of view, and voice. This problem tends to arise in writing without revision. I have revised my work several times now, via my own notes and my peers, and I still run into awkward sentences. This is an easy fix, that comes through identifying the topic of the sentence and finding where there are two different voices occurring, and picking the more apt option. this error is significantly easier to find as a peer. As a writer, you might read a sentence on paper with a bias as to what you imagined the sentence was written as. The peer can identify the awkwardness without the creator bias much quicker.
For example, I wrote, "Alaska is eroding away: economically and quite literally". The use of the words "quite" followed by "literally" is an oxymoron and not at all effective. I wanted to make it clear that the erosion was occurring in the economic stability and the land of the country. In the later revisions, this was changed to the word "physically".
Add needed words
When writing, my writing style and simply missing words are often confused. I'll find sentences in which I thought I was creating a more interesting or unique type of sentence, but when reading it back, the wording simply doesn't work. This can be fixed by a simple addition of the omitted word that is common to both parts of the compound structure or in any case where I am unsure about the logic or readability of the sentence being awkward.
This mistake happened a lot more frequently towards the end of my initial drafts, where I trailed off and added too many ideas at once. For example I wrote, "The second step is of course the most difficult, a combination of strong sustainable leaders with funding and ideas stepping into the political world" thinking that I established a clear second step. A peer pointed out that I was missing a predicate, resulting in an awkward sentence to read. After many revisions, the sentence is now, The second step requires a combination of strong sustainably focused leaders with funding and ideas, being vocal in the political world." The simple addition of the word "requires" automatically makes the sentence more readable.
Variety
Variety comes from varying sentence structures and phrases. I tend to focus only on the adjectives and construction of phrases, but additional variety can come from the entire sentence structure. Inverting the sentence, while keeping track of the of the subject and clarity of the sentence, is often a simple fix to add some variety. During the longest paragraph exercise, identifying the structures of the sentences, simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex, can inspire an easier revision process. Seeing all of the different types of structures visually can help re-balance the types of sentence structures to a more equivalent amount.
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| kaboompics "quote" accessed via Pixabay June 2015 CC0 Public Domain |
In the context of a Quick Reference Guide, avoiding scientific jargon and pretentious language is crucial in order to appeal to the general audience. There must be a balance between formality in presentation of information and a level of casual tone as to avoid turning off the audience. A writer's credibility is automatically more solid when the audience is happier with their tone and presentation of information. They are more willing to read and absorb the presented information if the tone is appealing.
I fell into the pretentious writing category on accident with my bias of studying environmental science, I assumed my audience was aware of the difficulty in creating actual change in environmental science and used the phrase, "the second step is of course more difficult". While in my head, this seemed more playful, it comes off as limiting to the audience.
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