Revised Introduction

In this blog I will provide my original and my revised introduction of my Project 2 essay.  In my revision I kept a very similar structure and ordering of information but I tried to clarify what I wanted to talk about.  The overall goal was making it more reader friendly.  I adjusted my thesis pretty minimally, as I was happy with how the first version turned out, but I'm sure even an hour from now it will be different.  My final version of the intro will likely still be different from this.

Original:

Pope Francis, the “super-pope”, has flipped the world on its head (Turrentine p.4).  Much to the dismay of conservatives and climate change deniers alike, the Pope has pleaded with the world in his encyclical “Laudato Si’” - the original document sent by the current Pope to all of the Catholic bishops calling for recognition of the environment -  to realize the human effect on the planet and make a concerted effort to protect it.  By connecting environmental protection with faith and charity, the religious and conservative community has been in a state of conflict over whether or not the Pope was apt to become involved in such a political subject.  Jeff Turrentine, a self-proclaimed climate change activist, predicted this cultural chaos in his article “Forgive Them, Father”, published in the environmental online news source OnEarth, even before the release of the Pope’s encyclical and a public speech tour.  The witty yet relatable Turrentine writes a factually based convincing article covered in credible sources and contextual links.  The rhetorical goal of the article is to persuade the audience of the great potential to inspire change in US culture, in the public and the government, with the Pope’s efforts to become such a catalyst for environmental science.  He does so by analyzing US culture and why there is such a deep divide between Conservatives and Liberals, and appealing directly to the moral and ethical qualms of the audience.

Rewrite:

Pope Francis has brought chaos to longstanding war between conservative and liberal politics.  Much to the dismay of conservative US population, the Pope has released his encyclical “Laudato Si’” and toured across the world as a wake-up call to all of the citizens of the earth to protect their neighbor and the earth we share.  By forcing this connection of environmental protection and faith and charity though the voice of God, so to say, conservatives are in turmoil over whether to stick to their political party or their religion.  Jeff Turrentine, a self-proclaimed climate change activist, predicted this cultural chaos in his article “Forgive Them, Father”, published in the environmental online news source OnEarth, months before the release of the Pope’s encyclical and a public speech tour.  He explains why the Pope’s actions have the potential to change the divide in US political parties and change an entire culture of environmental dismissal to legitimate concern and consequent action.  The rhetorical goal of the article is to persuade the audience of the Pope’s potential to become catalyst for environmental activism and to inspire change in US culture and the government.  He does so by analyzing the current US culture and why there is such a deep divide between Conservatives and Liberals, and appealing directly to the moral and ethical qualms of the audience.